Set for Life

Originally posted on October 22, 2023.

It had been around a week since the accident had caused everyone in the office to swap bodies. The lead programmers, Todd and Devin, found themselves working overtime to try an solve the problem.

“It must really suck for you,” Devin mused late one night to Todd, “I’m sure you’re eager to get back to normal.”

“Oh, you think so?” Todd said as he swiveled around in his chair, “The way I see it, I scored the jackpot. I swapped into the body of the CEO’s ex-wife. And I’m about eight months pregnant with his kid in here. The way I see it, if I actually give birth to this thing, I’m set for life. Child support from a guy who owns multiple billion dollar companies seems like a good way to live.”

“So you’re saying...”

“I’m just saying don’t rush yourself. I’m not. When we ‘work late’ on this stuff, I’m mostly just playing Fortnite or something.”

No Idea

Originally posted on June 16, 2023.

When Stephanie finally saw her body just outside the university’s computer science building doing yoga, she was furious.

“Give it back!” She demanded.

“What are you talking about, nerd?” Stephanie’s body responded.

Stephanie felt a cringe. She knew the body she was currently in was a overweight, acne-ridden guy, but the words still hurt. She tried to be stern, “You took my body, and you know it.”

“Sounds like someone has been watching way too many dorky sci-fi shows. Maybe go hide your ugly face in the shadows on the inside of the computer lab and leave the quad for the goddesses of the world like me.”

Stephanie eventually stormed off. She wondered if the person inside her body even knew they were swapped, or if her mind inside this guy’s body was just a copy. Meanwhile, inside of Stephanie’s body, Eugene was feeling quite pleased with himself not only for inventing the means to steal Stephanie’s body, but for pretending like he had no idea what she was talking about.

Impossible

Originally posted on September 12, 2023.

Curtis woke up surrounded by weird technology that seemed to come from some sort of sci-fi movie. The bed he was on was like a hard piece of plastic. When he stood up, he felt awkward and off balance; it only took a few moments before he realized he was in a woman’s body. His jaw nearly dropped when the alien entered the room.

“I see you’ve awoken,” The alien said, “I hope everything is alright.”

“It’s not alright! This isn’t my body!” Curtis screamed at the alien.

The alien seemed taken aback. “All human bodies seemed fundamentally the same. We did extensive investigation, which is how yours was damaged. We scanned others of your species on the ground to make copies of the various parts your species has. They didn’t seem much different from what we scanned.”

“Oh, the parts are different! You’d better believe the parts are different! You need to change me back to normal.”

“I am afraid that is...impossible.”

No Longer at the Country Club

Originally posted on Febriary 16, 2023.

The last thing Bradford remembered was being on the country club when he saw a flash of bright light. He wondered if he had been struck by an errant golf ball because his head really hurt. When he began to look around, he realized something was off. He wasn’t at the country club anymore. He was surrounded by houses that were so...small! And was that one on cinder blocks? He wouldn’t have dared step his foot in this part of town! But he soon discovered his feet (and his entire body) were no longer his own. He had swapped into the body of a poor woman! It disgusted him. He could stand the woman part but being poor? THAT was a bridge too far as long as he was concerned.

He was more than relieved when he learned the body swapping was a mass event called the Great Shift, and they were setting up ways to reclaim your own life. Of course, Bradford didn’t know much of is own personal information to prove his identity; he always hired other people to remember that sort of stuff for him. As a result, it seems he would stuck living the life of a poor woman for a while.

Get Out of Jail Free

Originally posted on February 22, 2022.

Hank’s plan was going off without a hitch, as he was now walking out of the jail a free man...or, um, free woman. He had stolen a lot of money over the years, but he didn’t seem to care in the slightest when he finally got caught. He simply hired the most expensive law firm he could find and asked them to send their best. He was a little surprised when the lawyer showing up was a woman, but he realized it mattered little. He simply receited the words he had memorized, and soon enough, he was her and she was him. He simply walked up and left, leaving her stuck. Then he’d resign from her job and the bar. After that, he’d collect the stashed money and make off to some far away place. It was all part of the plan, except for the fact that the lawyer he swapped with was a woman, but he could cope.

Going Home

Originally posted on February 18, 2023.

Sean was pretty happy to finally be going home. The Great Shift had happened over a month ago now and while most people swapped into bodies that were a few feet away, Sean swapped into a body on the other side of the planet. He had a lot of trouble convincing anyone who he really was. For starters, he didn’t speak the language, and it was hard for him to find someone who understood him. He was also tired a lot. The woman whose body he now had was more than twice as old as he had been -- apparently old enough to be a grandmother, which she was! He wasn’t sure if the tiredness was due to her age or if she just had lived a tough life. Regardless, he was pretty happy to finally be at the airport and about to take a flight home. He couldn’t wait to see his own family again -- even if it was going to be awkward to see his parents in bodies younger than he was; they ended up in the bodies of a couple of college student -- and his girlfriend, who was still in her late 20s but now a man insted. It was all going to be very weird.

Present (Part 2)

View Part 1 of Present.

Ever since Christmas Miles would wake up and check out his new body. Then he’d look over at the gross, snoring man sharing his bed, and he’d want to vomit. He’d make lunch fo the two little girls and drive them to school. He felt like he probably should’ve felt something toward them, but he just didn’t; he simply found them to be annoying. But he made sure his passport was up to date, he shifted some mone in the family’s finances, and then he booked a cheap flgith and waited.

Then one day, after dropping the girls off for school, he drove to the airport. Within a few hours, he was on an exotic island. He hadn’t bought a return ticket; he didn’t bring his phone; he was just making a clean break and starting a new life here. But, he could enjoy the beach first. He marveled how good his body looked in the swimsuit and he began to smile and flirt with single guys on the beach. He never felt bad for the family he left behind; he never felt like they were his family at all to begin with.

Present

Originally posted on December 24, 2022.

On Christmas Eve just before going to bed, Miles saw a rare shooting star out his window. He made the wish he always made, to be a woman. He knew it was silly, and he had come to accept it would never come true. Imagine his surprise when he woke up the next morning on an unfamilar couch, and sure enough, his wish had come true. He assessed his body. It looked pretty good; maybe about ten years older than he had been, but he couldn’t complain in the slighest! He looked at the presens under th tree for Maddie and Alyssa, he wondered which one he was!

He mood turned a little sour when two young girls calling him “mom.” A man, who he guessed was this woman’s husband, soon followed. While he was excited to be a woman, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be tied down to a family, at least not yet -- particularly with a man he had never chosen nor met! He feigned excitement but was secretly plotting an escape plan in his head.

Bundled

Originally posted on December 8, 2022.

Alex and Ellen had been dating for three years and had been living together for two of those. And every time fall rolled around, Ellen would bundle up that felt much too earl for Alex. He’d often tease her about being cold, and he also refused to turn the heat up in the apartment when she asked.

And finally she had enough. She loved Alex, so she wasn’t going to leave him; she just wished he understood. Searching the internet, she found a body swap spell that claimed to do just what she hoped. She was skeptical, but she decided to try it out.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Alex complained after spending a week in Ellen’s body, “Can you please reverse the spell now and swap us back into our own bodies?”

Ellen avoided eye contact, “Well, I can’t. The spell is on a timer. We’re stuck in each other’s bodies until spring. But if it makes you feel any better,” She looked back at Alex, thinking about how cute it was that he was in her body and all bundled up, “I’ll be kind and turn the heat up for you, unlike some people I know!”

Strange Storm

Originally posted on December 4, 2022.

It was strange because there wasn’t a single drop of rain that day; there hadn’t been a weather report that predicted anything other than sun. Yet the storm that day changed so many lines, mine included. I was on an evening jog when it happened. My wife had been encouraging me to get more exercise since I started gaining weight after turning 40. I figured it was just my male body getting older, but seeing me get in shape made my wife happy, so I did it. I was resting on a bench when it happened. People who saw it said it was like a lighting bolt coming out of nowhere hitting me in the head. And these bolts didn’t just hit me. Estimates ranged from 10 to 15 percent of the population was struck. And after being struck, we all ended up somewhere else, inside a body of someone else who had been struck. I ended up about a mile away, inside the body of a 25-year-old woman I’d learn was named Danielle. I chuckled thinking my wife would probably be happy now that I was no longer overweight, but that she might be less happy about the fact that I was now female. Still, we tried to make it work as best we could.

Scientists could never quite figure out how it worked. They classified it as a “weather phenomenon” and theorized the electrical current was centralized in the atmosphere and never lost that central connection even when multiple bolts his simultaneously. These bolts essentially fried our brains and transmitted the signals up to the central current before being sent back down to a different location. I was never sure if that was even plausible, but there was no way I could deny the results of what happened.

Everybody Change

Originally posted on November 8, 2022. I may have chosen to re-create this particular caption for...reasons.

William had just graduated law school and got a job as a junior lawyer at a law firm. He was finally able to move out of his parents’ house and get an apartment down by the court house. The other people in the building explained that the community was very close, and William looked forward to getting to know people. His job left him with very little time to do so however. In fact, his first time to breathe had to spent going to the local laundromat.

Shortly after he put his clothes into the dryer, a weird homeless man came in shouting, “Everybody change clothes! Everybody change!”

William looked a little scared, but a neighbor told him that he would get used to it. The man left shortly after with no incident, and William finished drying his clothes. But as he pulled it out, his clothes were gone! Instead, a woman’s set of clothing was inside.

The same neighbor came over again and explained, “It happens everytime that man comes in. You’ll switch bodies with someone in the neighborhood. Looks like you’re Maria de la Cruz right now. Like I said, you get used to it.”

“New body?” William hadn’t even noticed but when he looked down it was clear, “But...how?”

“No one knows how he does it. Someone probably mentioned when you moved in that we are a close community.Now you know why.”

The Bot

Originally posted on October 24, 2022.

“Doctor, something isn’t right,” Jason tried to explain.

“You shouldn’t worry,” The doctor retorted, “We are still putting the realistic skin on your new robotic frame, but the transplant of your brain into the robot was a success!”

“I can see that, and I know that I was dying of cancer and had little choice for survival. But I’m sure that when my wife signed the paperwork to have my brain placed inside of a robot, she never would’ve approved of this design! It’s a woman’s body!”

“Robots don’t have genders, Mr. Connors; however, this robot form does mimic that of a woman. However, that matches the form explictly requested by your wife. You can go view all the paperwork if you wish. I have it right here. As you can see, this is her signature and even some handwritten notes in her handwriting. I understand it may be uncomfortable to find yourself in a robot’s body that was designed to please men, but your wife had power of attorney and next of kin status once you technically passed. This was her decision. You just now have to live with it.”

Wasteland

Originally posted on August 5, 2025.

Drink!

Originally posted on July 9, 2025.

I Realize I Haven't Been Updating this Site

I've honestly been a little stressed with everything. Mostly trying to move from YouTube to TikTok (I'm not sure how well it's going, quite honestly) while still trying to keep everything else active.

I'm tired.

So very tired.

Taking a Few Days Off

The Archive is taking a few days off. I've been working pretty hard creating videos on my YouTube channel, and ensuring things continue on my Deviant Art page. At the same time, my preferred tool for making images based on old captions seems to be down. I don't think this is the end of the Archive, but I just need a bit of time to collect myself. Stay Tuned!

Hitchhiker

Originally posted on December 30, 2013.

Lars wasn’t originally going to pull over, but he felt bad for the woman hitchhiker on the side of the road. She just seemed so desperate. Reluctantly, he stopped. The woman approached his car. She was only in her 40s, but the wrinkles on her face were already showing quite deeply. He guessed she was a smoker.

“Thank God!” The woman said, “I’ve been waiting for hours for someone to stop. You’ve got to help me get into town. I need to find my body.”

She could see the confused look on Lars’s face.

“I can explain,” She continued, “A few hours ago I picked up a woman at this very same spot. But when I pulled over, she did something. She switched our bodies...mostly. She had been young when I first saw her, but when we switched I became much older. I think my own body lost a few years before she drove off with it. I was a guy and now I’m a woman! It’s crazy! I know it sounds crazy, but you’ve got to believe me! You’ve got to help me out!”

Pull the Lever (Part 2)

View Part 1 of Pull the Lever.

Originally posted on January 31, 2025.

Gin awoke to the sounds of fires crackling and the smell of smoke in the air. The explosion should have killed it, but he didn’t FEEL dead. He body ached as he blinked his eyes open. He knew he should get up and get out of there, but he was still trying to reason how he survived. He was sure it was just a matter of math, which he was usually pretty good at figuring out in his head; yet he couldn’t seem to do it now.

As he got to his feet, the answer became clearer; his body had changed again. He was much more feminine than he had been. He likely fused with another woman, possibly several. It used to be easy for him to triangulate things like where they must have been standing and how many just by thinking, but his brain struggled now. He considered himself lucky to be able to reason that his mind must have been fused this time as well with most of his genius gone in an instant. He still remembered who he was, the fusions, and the machine malfunction, but couldn’t remember why he had built the machine in the first place or what it was actually supposed to do. He certainly no longer had the ability to recreate the thing. He remembered plots of television shows he never watched and about promising to meet a friend at the gym tonight. Then another small explosion snapped him back to more immediate concerns. He picked himself up and started getting out of this death trap. He stumbled in the heels he wore, so he ripped them off and went barefoot. Knowing how to walk in those things was NOT something he remembered how to do either. But was that something he should remember?

Pull the Lever (Part 1)

Originally posted on December 31, 2024.

“You can’t do it!” Jackson shouted at his business partner Gin, “We’ll never get it back up and running again. And if it’s not working, we’ll never get back to normal!”

“We have to shut it down! It’s malfunctioning!” Gin insisted, “And it’s already too late for normal. This thing is already literally merging people’s bodies together. It’s only going to get worse from here. It could start fusing us with animals or inanimate objects! You could end up with pigeon wings for arms! Or a watermelon in your head instead of a brain! Right now, we’re still lucky we remember enough to know HOW to shut it down. If my fusion with Nadine had gone the other way, she’d be standing here befuddled with her head and my body instead of the other way around.”

“But how are we going to get Nadine back? Or...Frannie?”

Gin heard the pain in his friend’s voice and frowned as he looked at Jackson’s one feminine leg, which had once belonged to Jackson’s girlfriend, Frannie. She was one was one of the first people merged into someone else when the machine started malfunctioning. He knew Jackson felt responsible.

“It’s not your fault, man,” Gin said, “No one expected this to happen. But she’s gone. Keeping this thing on isn’t going to bring her back. But shutting it down will stop anyone else from going through that pain. I’ve done the calculations; this thing is going to be exponential. That’s so many more loved ones gone.”

Jackson paused for a moment. “Do it,” He said.

Gin pulled with all his might, realizing how much more difficult this was for him now that he had Nadine’s weak muscles instead of his own. He then grabbed with the other hand, but it still wouldn’t budge. But then it finally started to move and he noticed Jackson behind him helping to pull just as the explosions began...

This Is How I Amuse Myself

Originally posted on December 30, 2023.

Lauren felt dizzy after getting off the amusement park ride. Something about it was much more intense than usual. As the dizziness settled down, she flipped out once she realized she was now in the body of some random guy! She desperately began to search the park for her former body; she finally found it as night fell. It was sitting on a bench holding an odd device.

“Give me back my body!” Lauren demanded.

“I’m afraid that’s impossible,” The man now in her body replied, “Our swap was a test -- a successful test! But I have placed pieces in the park, which will trigger a massive swapping event for everyone in the park. Well, everyone over there on that side of the park. I’ve quite taken to your body and I don’t plan on giving it up. But I think if you rush over there, you might be lucky enough to get a better body than my former balding, middle aged one.”

“Why the hell would you do this?” Lauren cried.

“It’s an amusement park, is it not? This is how I amuse myself. Now, you’d better hurry. I really think you’ll want to take your chances amongst the choas that’s about to happen...”